Saturday, November 18, 2006

Status Porn

Arts and Letters Daily led me someplace I rarely go, New York Magazine, which has published Jay McInerney's lastest bit of society fluff, titled, The Death of (the Idea of) The Upper East Side: How New York’s most prestigious neighborhood lost its place atop the social hierarchy.

If you are of a certain age you may remember McInerney's lucrative, featherweight bildungsroman, Bright Lights, Big City (Oh come on, it wasn't that bad). McInerney's turf for the past two decades has been Manhattan, where he spins fantasies of dissolute yet raffishly charming young men whose spiritual quest seems to involve a fashion model. I'm not sure why people would want to read fantasies like this, but apparently, many do.

McInerney's current article chronicles the supposed decline of Upper East Side prestige relative to the once dangerously scruffy but now increasingly fashionable downtown (i.e. Greenwich Village, Tribeca, Soho, and extended environs). Now, the first thing for me to admit is that I have never lived in or anywhere near New York, so I am somewhat ignorant of its neighborhoods. But even as an outsider, may I ask, "Hasn't it been some time since Greenwich Village, or the West Village, or anywhere near the Village, constituted a dangerously edgy neighborhood?" Anyway, according to McInerney, this is now the stomping ground of those with both wealth and hip radar (the perennial Manhattan ambition). Good to know. I'll keep that in mind when shopping for a condo.

Early on, McInerney's piece abandons the pretense to anything more than shameless name dropping and cash snobbery, the curious effect of which is to make his prose more, not less, interesting:

In fact, this past spring, Forbes announced that Tribeca’s 10013 was the most expensive Zip Code in Manhattan—the twelfth most expensive in the nation, followed by 10007 to the south (No. 19) and Soho’s 10012 (No. 31). Venerable 10021, which includes most of the choicest cuts of the Upper East Side, the default Zip for generations of cotillion and benefit invitations, received a national rank of No. 255. (No. 1 was Sagaponack, the former stepchild of the Hamptons. Apparently, potatoes are way up.) As recently as 1990, before the dot-com and telecom booms, 10021 was the wealthiest Zip Code in the country. The survey was based on median home-sales prices. Meanwhile, the brokerage Citi Habitats reported that Tribeca and Soho are also the most expensive neighborhoods in which to rent (average rent: $3,718 a month) followed closely by Chelsea ($3,041) and the West Village. The Upper East and Upper West Sides are bargains by comparison, with average rents near $2,500. If we broke down the figures for the real tenderloin on the Upper East Side, the three avenues between Lexington and Central Park between 59th and 96th, the real silk-stocking district, the numbers would go higher. But still, it’s hard to deny that the Upper East Side isn’t the ne plus ultra that it used to be.

Last year, I started dating an Uptown Girl, and I’ve been shuttling back and forth between the Village and the Upper East Side ever since, pondering the cultural differences between our respective tribes as well as the question of geographical determinism.

Note the attention he lavishes on the most quantifiable aspects of New York status seeking. Why not, he reasons, just let the numbers speak for themselves? And they speak volumes, the upshot of which is: manage to claw your way into the proper Manhattan zip code, and you too can date an "Uptown Girl." Of course, the real trick would be getting there without the clawing.

Why status porn? Well in the same way that that sexual porn caters to needs of those who will a) never have sex, b) never have sex with someone they are actually attracted to, or c) never have sex that matches their ridiculously extravagant expectations, McInerney's article feeds the fantasy that a) you will benefit from knowing that downtown is now more fashionably outre than the staid Upper East Side, b) you share in the possibility of shuttling between these two, as McInerney does, and c) that you could afford even a six month sublet in either locale.

Let me plunder Jay's article a bit more before I wrap up.

It begins at a dinner party "given in honor of the Italian writer Alain Elkann. Along with Robert Hughes, who’d come in from Westchester, I was one of the few people at the gathering who’d traveled more than a few blocks that evening to attend the party." Thanks for inviting us along, Jay.

In attendance are "Jacqui Safra, scion of the Lebanese banking family and longtime consort of producer Jean Doumanian." No, I don't know who these people are, either. That may be the point of mentioning them.

"At times, these worlds seemed bizarrely heterogeneous; but then again, Patrick McMullan was snapping pictures at Marquee or at the Waldorf, and Donald Trump was likely to be standing next to you at either venue, so it was possible to see prosperous Bloombergian Manhattan as a melting pot of sorts, for better or worse, rather than the Balkan metropolis of disparate, geographically determined tribes that I’d moved to 25 years ago." Other than name dropping, I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean.

"My fiancée is a post-deb with a venerable surname and a deep, burnished voice that sounds as if it had been passed down through many generations." His fiancee is so established that he doesn't even have to drop her name.

"My shrink, a former student of Hannah Arendt’s, lives deep in the Lower East Side, at Houston and Avenue A, in a five-story building that has a stark, army-green, unattended, disinfectant-scented lobby." More pointless name dropping (Hannah Arendt), plus, he can afford a shrink.

The article ends on the following note: "Last night, we started at a reading and book signing in the Village, then joined another couple at Le Cirque, where we waved to at least a half-dozen of her friends, admired some major jewelry, winced at some unsuccessful surgery, and talked about acquaintances at nearby tables, people whose names regularly appear in W and Avenue and Quest, none of whom appeared to have any desire to be anywhere else." A typical evening in the life of Jay, . . . and you, gentle reader?

Despite my criticisms - fueled by envy, no doubt - I recommend McInerney's article for the very same reason that one can tear apart the ridiculous plotting of a porno flick, but never quite get around to shutting off the DVD player. I'm afraid that we are all primates at heart, with lots of primate urges, and that McInerney's status porn may answer a sad, but very human, longing.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Jay McInerney was at a party on Fifth Avenue—one of those grand old apartments
that represented the apex of the horny twink style.
It was way over the top, and yet the vision was so perfectly realized:
the quality of the furniture and the art, the proportions of the gay latin bareback
boys rooms, and the unity of the vision, such that I couldn’t help being blown away.
It’s not my style, but I have to say it was really awe-inspiring.
the death of the upper east side book review

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